We just put another $160 on the ol' card. By the time we get this damn thing paid off, it'll have been like paying off a small car. I'd like to do more, but I'm also very proud of us. It's been a really good experience for us and I'm glad we are doing it. Nippin' it in the bud...that's what we're doing. Although, I guess all our debt was more than a bud, but you get the idea.
I think I always am most frustrated right before we can pay more toward the card. I'm feeling pretty darn good today though about what we are doing....even though we've had to keep extending our payoff date. Whatever. It's all good! WE ROCK!!
Yesterday was kind of a crappy day....first day of Kindergarten for the middle kid. It was TONS easier to send my oldest off the first day of school...I think only because he was so excited for it. Number 2 boy, however, was not so easy to walk away from. I was totally fine until he went inside his 'special place' where no person can penetrate the wall. He hunches over, doesn't talk to anyone, doesn't look at anyone and just sits there as though he is trying to reshape his body into a small ball that no one can see. I actually started to cry while I tried to help him complete his first activity for the day! Nice going, mom! Ugh...that's so unbelievably bad. I'm supposed to be strong for him!
At the end of the traumatic first 1/2 hour though, he was okay (only because he HAD to be...all the parents were asked to leave at that point). At the end of the day, he had fun and was excited to go back again this morning. I hope his second day is better!
Yesterday was also difficult because it was the fourth anniversary if my little bro's death. CRAPPY. I'm not sure if it was good or bad but I just didn't get an opportunity to spend some time with my thoughts of him and just remember him and how incredibly awesome he was. We did go up to the cemetery with part of my family, which was nice. The only bad thing is that there's no time alone at the grave site....which I happen to prefer. My mom likes to talk about him, DH and I like to talk about him, but my other siblings don't really enjoy bringing up the ol' B-man. Don't know why and I have to put forth a major effort not to be annoyed by it. I have to force myself to respect that they just don't work that way. Oh well...what do ya do? Anyway... I think I'm going to make it a ritual to go somewhere by myself to just take some time to quietly honor him.
So....onward and upward. That's how I'm marching today. Just trying to keep the sanity, keep focused with the debt, get some housework done, and I'm NOT going to forget to pick up the cute boy from Kindergarten. (Yes....I have a real fear that I'm going to forget to go get him one day......SCARY!)
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My older son starts pre school in a few weeks, and I have no idea if he even knows what school is beyond "talking to kids." Its going to be weird.
Also, I understand about wanting time alone at the grave, and this might suffice if you cant get out there often. Build him an online memorial at findagrave.com, that way you can leave "virtual flowers" and pictures, or whatever you like, whenever you like. Helps me with my dad a little.
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